Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
