I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
