He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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