we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
