I skipped work to stalk him.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
