...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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