did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
its not stalking. its research.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
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Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
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i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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