if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
