just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
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It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
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showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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