I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
