Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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