I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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