??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
We had sex on a dog bed..
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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