well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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