I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
