dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
