Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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