to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
