yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
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