it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
