I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
