I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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