I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
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