Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
