i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
