its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
