Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
