just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
