There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
