I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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