don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
