your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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