There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Everything about him screamed your future.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
