Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
