Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
