I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
