Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
