So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
