i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
