Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
