So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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