I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
