i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
