the condom got lost in my hair
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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