you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
