he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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