Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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