He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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