Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
