My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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