***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
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my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
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He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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