I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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