Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Green mimosas i think yes
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
