2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
