i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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