EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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