It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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