I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
he shaved USA in his pubs
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
