i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
