They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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