My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
