how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
