are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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