You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
