dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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