i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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