I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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