The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
