so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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