its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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