Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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